Snake
by Blue-Collarward Contest
Summary: Bella needs her pipes cleaned. Edward has the perfect Snake for the job. Rated M.


Blue-Collarward Contest  
Pairing: Bella & Edward  
Title: Snake  
Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight and it's characters. I own sexy plumber-ward. =)  
Summary: Bella needs her pipes cleaned. Edward has the perfect Snake for the job. Rated M.

"Baby?"

"In here, B."

As I walk into the bathroom and see this gorgeous man I call my husband bent over looking at the pipes underneath the sink, memories fill my mind. I can't help but bite my bottom lip.

He looks over his shoulder at me and smirks. He knows exactly what I'm thinking about.

"Wanna help me with these pipes?"

I shake my head. "That's not really the part I want to re-live."

"Which part is it that you want to re-live?" He asks before standing and turning toward me.

All I do is smile and crook a finger at him, asking him silently to come to me.

"Your plumber is coming by?"

"Yes, Rose. I've already told you that twice."

"You know if you don't want to go shopping, all you have to do is tell me."

I smile at my best friend. Rosalie Hale doesn't really enjoy shopping anymore than I do really but when she gets that urge, she likes to go all out.

We have been friends since college. We're still unsure as to how we met though. It's a toss up between drunken karaoke or drunken ladies night at the Epsilon house. The fact that both possibilities involve the word drunken makes us decide not to worry about it too much. Mainly because we are pretty positive we'll never remember.

"I'm serious, Rose. I can't use my bathroom sink at all."

It was clogged when I woke up yesterday and you never really understand how much you use your bathroom sink until you can't.

"Well, can't he come tomorrow? I need new shoes," Rose whined.

Rosalie was 5'7", which in my opinion was tall enough for a girl, but she loved intimidating the opposite sex.

"No, he can't. The woman I talked to said he was booked until next month and there's no way in hell I'm waiting three weeks to use my sink."

"Next month? What the fuck does he use to snake the drain with exactly?"

I laugh. "I'm not sure but I'll be sure to let you know."

I hear Rose sigh and I know that she has accepted defeat.

"Oh, alright but you better call me later. Oh, and Bella?"

I wait a second for her to continue but she doesn't. I roll my eyes and prompt her, "Yes?"

"Don't fall in the plumber's crack."

I disconnect the line with Rosalie laughing way to hard at her own bad joke.

I place the phone on the cradle and take a quick survey as to what I'm wearing. It's my one day off and I refuse to dress up. The jeans and light blue tank top will have to work. It's hardly what I'd call inappropriate anyway.

I glance at the clock and see that it's ten past one. He was suppose to be here at one. _Well that's unprofessional._

I decide to make lunch and eat it in front of him. If he can be mean by showing up late, then I can be mean by eating my delicious chicken salad without offering him any.

I assemble the chicken salad and just get done pouring myself a glass of iced tea when the door bell rings. I look at the clock on the microwave-1:25pm. I am not paying for those twenty-five minutes, Late McLaterson.

I walk slowly to the door and put on my polite smile, despite my annoyance.

When I open the door, angels should be singing. This can't be the plumber. He's tall and built, with a hint of a tan, and his eyes are really green. He's beautiful. It's the only word that fits this..._plumber_. He's clean shaven with a jaw line you just want to lick. When the word lick runs through my mind my eyes automatically go down. Yes, right there. _Up, Bella, look up! _My eyes jerk back up and go straight to his perfectly tousled hair. His jeans, though cum-inducing, actually fit him. _Damn...no crack._

"Ms. Swan?"

Oh right. I shake my head a bit to clear out the dirty thought I'm having. I'm sure at this point my face is the shade of his red t-shirt.

"Umm, yes. I'm Bella."

He nods and takes a paper out of his messenger bag.

"Hi, I'm Edward. I'm here to look at your sink."

I step aside without speaking. Coherent thoughts are escaping me as of right now.

This plumber, Edward, steps in past me and he smells as good as he looks. He's putting all those plumber stereotypes to hell.

He turns to face me just inside the foyer.

"I'm sorry about how late I am. I couldn't find your sub-division. I've only been in the area a few weeks."

_Well, bless his heart. _

"Oh, well that's okay. I do wish you would have called though." I can't let him off the hook too easily.

"They didn't include your phone number on the information sheet, I'm afraid. There's a new girl in the office today."

Well, there goes any trace of the annoyance I was feeling.

"Oh, well then it's really not your fault. Please follow me and I'll show you my bed. I mean...my room. I mean...I'll show you the bathroom in my bedroom. You know the one you're here to fix."

I could probably die right now. In fact, I'm praying for it as I turn and head down the hallway. I hear a light chuckle and almost trip over the new rug I just put down days before. Could I be anymore of an idiot? _Yes_.

When your inner self starts insulting you, you've reached a new level of pathetic.

We make it to the bathroom without anymore slips or almost trips.

"Well, you're more than welcome to stay and watch but you don't have to," Edward says, putting down this messenger bag and taking out a tablet of paper. "I'm just going to document the problem and then go to my truck to get the tools I need."

"What is it? The problem I mean..."

"Oh, it look like it's just a normal clog. It could be anything blocking the pipe. I'll have to shut your water off for a little bit and then take the pipe apart to remove the object. Is that okay?"

I blink.

"Yes?"

He smiles and I decide I want that smile as my Twitter background.

"Okay. I'll be right back."

I watch him as he walks out of my bedroom. Would it be too obvious if I changed? Maybe I'll just throw on a nice skirt that shows off my legs or that black teddy I never got around to wearing with Jacob. He wouldn't notice I went from jeans to a black teddy would he? _You're a moron_.

I decide to just stay in the living room and let the man work. The longer I bother him, the longer he's here, which isn't an all around bad thing but I do have to pay seventy-five dollars an hour for this man. I wonder what other services he might offer...? _Did you just contemplate buying sexual favors from him? _Maybe. _I don't even know who are you anymore._

I take a seat on the sofa and start flipping through channels. I decide to see what's on Cinemax. I go to push in 323 but my finger slips and enters 3223.

Moaning. Whimpering. I see a man and a woman totally getting it on. I'm so taken by surprise that I've turned it to a porn channel that I can't even get my mind to decide to change it.

I hear a thud and look toward the hallway. I see Edward standing there with his tool belt and the tablet of paper at his feet.

"Oh...I mean...I didn't mean to turn it here. I just...well see I just hit the wrong channel-"

He starts shaking his head and puts on a, what I decide is a scared as hell smile, and cuts in, "No, no. I'm not offended. Please, don't change your routine for my sake."

He then turns and heads back to the bedroom.

Great, now he thinks I watch porn on a regular basis. _You do_. Oh will you shut up!

Yes, I watch porn. I've been single for six months. What girl isn't going to watch something to get the juices flowing? Exactly. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Six months without a peen is a desperate time.

I stand up and head to the bedroom as well. After I turn the tv off, of course. I have to explain to him that I don't watch porn in the middle of the afternoon on my days off.

I find him bent over looking at the pipes under the sink.

I clear my throat and he stands up.

"I just wanted to clarify...I, umm, I don't watch porn during the afternoon. I mean...well I won't say I don't ever watch it but...what I'm saying is that's not my routine. I mean, I don't watch it all the time." _Way to go, you out did yourself again._

I want to crawl in to a hole and never come out.

He smirks this time and I relax just a smidge.

"Ms. Swan, It's fine. You really don't need to explain anything to me."

"I just didn't want you think of me as a sex fiend or anything. Don't get me wrong I enjoy sex but..." I trail off as I realize that any damage control I might have done has just been...undone.

His eyes widen a bit and then he laughs. Like...a full belly laugh.

I stand there, looking dumb I'm sure, just watching him laugh at me. _Well that's rude._

"I'm sorry, Ms. Swan, I just...you're the cutest thing I've ever seen."

I think that was a compliment.

"Thank you?"

He takes a step toward me and stops just inches away from me. I'm staring at his red shirt. His name is embroidered over his heart. Two fingers come into view and tilt my head up so that I can see his face.

"You really are so very cute."

Then he kisses me. Softly and shyly. He kisses me.

"If I knew all I had to do was make a fool of myself to get a guy to kiss me, I would have done it a lot sooner." _Verbal filter...where did you go?_

A deep chuckle and then another light kiss.

He steps back and turns back around.

I'm not sure what to do right now. I mean, I could just stand here like the idiot I am or I could leave him to his work. I choose the latter simply because I'm feeling awkward.

I make my way back to the living room, opting to leave the TV off this time. I pick up the latest rag mag and start reading the article on page twenty-three. I have absolutely no interest in knowing that Ashley Grier or wait, is it Grainer, well whatever her name is...I don't really care that she is dating one of those teen band members. I just need a distraction. From the man in my bathroom. That just kissed me. Twice.

At two o'clock, he comes into the living room.

"It's all fixed, Bella. If you want to come try it out, that's fine."

I nod and over think the way he says my name.

I go to the bathroom and turn on the water. It goes straight down with no clogging. _How nice..._

"What was clogging it?"

"Uhh, well, it was these."

I look back at him and he's holding a red pair of panties. A thong to be more specific. The ones I couldn't find after that night out with Rose.

I hate red. No, I love red. Well, it depends...

He looks at the lingerie then looks back to me.

I reach my hand out for them and he slowly places them in my palm.

"Well...thanks for getting them back for me."

"Yeah...anytime."

I laugh then. I mean, he just offered to get my thongs anytime I wanted.

"Listen, Bella, I was wondering-"

I kiss him. I don't know what gave me the courage to do it but I do it. I kiss him hard. He seems to like that sort of thing though because he's responding. Enthusiastically.

My arms snake their way around his neck and my hands play with the hair at the nape of neck. It's so soft. His arms wrap around my waist and before I know whats going on, I'm sitting on the counter. In a flurry of motion, my tank top and bra come off along with his red tshirt.

"We can stop. This is very unprofessional."

I shake my head. I don't want to stop. I'm the customer. I'm always right.

He kisses my lips before his mouth moves to my ear...I feel his tongue dart out and taste my earlobe and I can't help the shiver that it invokes. I tilt my head a bit so he has better access to my neck which is where his tongue goes next.

"You're so hot."

"Thank you, I could say the same thing."

I smile at his words. It's nice to know he thinks I'm hot.

I moan like a porn star when his mouth covers my nipple. He sucks gently but with enough force that I can barely contain the sounds that want to escape.

He moves to the other breast and all I can do dry hump him and pull his hair. I don't want him to stop but I definitely want him other places.

My hands come down to his jeans and I pop the button.

"You wanna do this?" I ask, in what I can only describe as breathy.

"Yes, yes I do."

"Good, cause I want you. Now."

I use my feet to push his pants down and when he steps away so I can rid my lower half of it's barrier, I see it. The holy grail. His peen. It's not gigantic but it's big enough to make me want him even more. It's what I'd describe as perfect. It's long and thick and for right now, it's mine. _Lucky bitch_. Ha, take that annoying inner self.

Edward helps me out of my jeans and then he kisses me. Soft again. Slow and passionately. I savor it. I want it all the time. Well, until he hikes my leg up and I feel his tip at my entrance. Then I want something else.

"You're really sure?"

"I'm really sure that you better be inside me before I finish this-"

I lose all intelligence as he enters me. It feels amazing. It's been six months since anything other than my fingers or pink poodle have been anywhere near my pussy.

My legs damn near give out on me but Edward holds me up while he thrusts. I don't try and fight the sounds because in my experience, they only make the whole thing better. I bite gently on his shoulder and I kiss his neck as often as I can.

"Wrap your legs around me."

I do. Because I'm having fuck hawt sex with my plumber and I'm at his command.

He walks us back toward the wall and when my back hits it, he pulls out almost completely and just when I'm about to beg him, yes...I would beg him to come back, he plows into me again and I'm gone. I wouldn't be able to tell someone my name right now.

"Does it feel good, Bella?"

I moan in response and he quickens his pace a bit. I'm getting close.

"Touch yourself."

I do. Because I'm having fuck hawt sex with my plumber and I'm still at his command.

I open my eyes to see him watching me touch myself. I've always liked dirty talk.

"You like what you see, cowboy?"

His eyes snap to mine and he smirks that sexy as hell smirk.

"Yes, I do actually."

I don't respond because I'm falling. Falling so wonderfully that I never want to reach the ground. I grind against his dick and my hand goes to his hair.

He's kissing my neck again and I think I feel him leaving a mark but at this point in time, I don't care.

He keeps up his steady thrusts, and I can tell when he gets close because he speeds up and starts saying my name over and over. I must admit, I like it.

"Oh...shit...Bella."

Yeah, I'll take it.

He stays inside me for a minute, both of us coming down from our big O's.

My legs feel like jello when he finally lets me support myself and I have to hold on to the counter to keep myself from falling.

I only replace my panties and tank top. The man's seen me naked and has witnessed my O face. He can deal with me in just panties and a tank top.

He put his jeans back on but leaves the button undone and when he turns around to pick his shirt up, I see it. The plumber's crack ...but it's the hottest crack I will ever see... in my life.

Once he's retrieved his shirt, he wipes his face.

"Wow."

I nod. Indeed.

"Bella, listen, I don't do this kind of thing."

I frown. I know there is on of my face.

"No, I get it. It's fine. A one time thing. It's cool."

He steps closer to me and takes my face in his hands.

"I know nothing about you except you have no verbal filter and you like to watch porn in the afternoons but...if you're not opposed, I'd like to know more."

"I don't watch porn in the afternoons. I tried to explain that." _Yes, because that was the correct response to his statement._

He laughs softly.

"I want to know you, too."

There's another kiss and I never want it to end. It does, though. He packs up his stuff and walks toward the front door.

"Can I have your number?"

I scribble it down on the pad of paper I keep by the phone and walk it back over to him.

"I'll call you tonight and we can plan on doing something...is that okay?"

"Yes, that's fine."

He kisses me once more, then he's gone.

I don't plan on seeing him again. He probably just wanted to be polite. I'm sure this was the real reason he was late today...the last lady wanted something extra too.

Oh well, it was great while it lasted. Oh. So. Great.

"I can't believe you thought I just went around fucking random women while I fixed their plumbing."

He's out of breath and so am I.

We re-enacted our first time.

We do it more than what would be considered normal, I'm sure. I can't help it though.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know? You didn't come with a disclaimer."

He kisses me with the same passion he does everytime he kisses me.

"I love you, Bella."

"I bet you say that to all your customers."

He reaches over and tickles my side until I can't breathe.

"I love you too, Edward."


End file.
